


i'm half doomed and you're semi sweet

by kelso



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Breaking the Law, Community Service, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Kyoutani's pov, M/M, Parties, Slow Burn, Underage Drinking, little bit sad, mainly friendship lmao we'll see where this goes, t for language, this is a side issue
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-13
Updated: 2017-01-07
Packaged: 2018-08-30 20:31:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,132
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8548171
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kelso/pseuds/kelso
Summary: Kyoutani and Yahaba, getting to know each other a bit better one party at a time. Kyoutani is rude and Yahaba is persistent. Thus a friendship is born.





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this could be literally any pairing i just really love kyoutani lmao  
> if you don't understand the BTEC bit, read it as 'jock' (this will make sense later on)

First day. Fuck this. 120 hours community service; six hours every Saturday for the next 20 weeks. This could be over and done with within a month if college didn't get in the way. All he did was steal a car. And crash it. Whilst a tiny bit drunk. But that last point is largely irrelevant because by the time the police had traced it back to him, breathalysed him and tested him for drugs, he was sober. The car was a write off but no one was injured, and everyone else in the car got jail time as this wasn't their first offence, so all in all, he got off lightly. Teachers and parents had always talked about getting in with the wrong crowd, and yeah, maybe he could see what they meant.  
Now he was never going to be able to afford insurance. Only two months after passing his test too. Oh well, that was the least of his problems now. His mum was going to _eviscerate_ him. This was undoubtedly the dumbest decision of his life to date. 

//

Wow, what an attractive orange jumpsuit. If they didn't know before, the general public sure as hell know who's a criminal now. Kyoutani looked down at the jumpsuit and sighed. He hadn't really imagined that community service would consist of public humiliation as well as personal shame.  
"So, you're going to be removing graffiti from public places, starting with these garages. I don't want to hear any complaints, just get on with it so I can fill out your time sheets and you can leave." The course leader gave less of a shit than anyone actually on the course. Kyoutani looked around him at the 15 other people on the course; a ragtag collection mostly consisting of 30+ year old junkies, a girl with about 100 piercings and tattoos who hadn't stopped aggressively chewing gum since she got here, and only one boy who was probably about Kyoutani's age. Kyoutani had absolutely no interest in talking to any of them - he was here to do his time and get out. The girl spat out her gum, some of the adults talked amongst themselves. Kyoutani turned his back on them and got to work. 

"So, what are you here for?"

Kyoutani had been pretty focussed on the graffiti so he hadn't heard anyone walk up to him. He turned and saw the other guy. What the fuck does he want. He scowled and considered ignoring him but thought better of it.  
"Not much."

"I can't believe I have to do 120 hours, 120 fucking hours of this bullshit. It's shit. Like go out and catch some real threats to society like murderers or something."

"Hmm."

"'And what are you here for?' Well thanks for asking. I'm actually here cos I got busted with a shitton of weed and I'm just doing this so I don't go to prison." 

"Ok."

"Well this is going great,"

"Look, I'm not here to make friends"

"Evidently. Neither am I but if I've got another 20 weeks of this shit then I'm gonna wanna chat. I don't wanna work in silence-"

"Works fine for me."

"Listen here, you might be content working in silence by yourself but not everybody else is, and since we're stuck together for the next 20 weeks you could at least try to talk. I'm not trying to be your best friend I'm just trying to make this day go a little quicker."

"We're not stuck together. There's 16 of us here go and talk to someone else." 

"Why are you so dead against talking to me?"

"Why are you so desperate to talk to me?"

"We're like the same age, right? I'm 17. I don't wanna go befriend the 50 year old heroin addict over there."

He was waiting for an answer. There was no way of getting rid of this guy, so Kyoutani sighed loudly and irritably in an attempt to signal how disinterested he is. Hopefully, with some more bored, one word answers, he would lose interest and leave Kyoutani alone.  
"Same. I'm 17."

"Cool, so like, you at college or?"

"College."

"Same. I do A Level Business and Economics and BTEC sport."

At this, Kyoutani scoffed. He looked exactly the kinda guy that would take BTEC sport. 

//

"Yo, Kyoutani. I know your name now cos I looked it up on the list. We're the only new people to start last week minus that girl over there and seeing as you don't have a girl's name I figured your name must be Kyoutani. They put a strike in a box next to your name every day you turn up so I could figure it out pretty easily. Only 19 more strikes to go!"

He was back.  
"Right."

"I'm Yahaba." 

"Ok."

"Which college do you go to? Cos like my college is fucking bullshit. I can't wait for this year to be over just so I can fucking leave. If you're late to a lesson you have to knock on the door and wait for the teacher to let you in. Last year I was late to every lesson and nobody gave a shit. And then today right ..."

// 

By the third week, Kyoutani gave in. Being rude to Yahaba had not deterred him, so instead of restricting himself to the shortest possible answer, maybe he would elaborate a bit. Kyoutani, generally speaking, did not like talking to people unless they were close friends. It wasn't that he was particularly anxious or nervous when talking to new people, he was just an exceptionally awkward person and didn't know how to make small talk. It was easy to be rude to people and to stunt conversation. He never knew how to respond to people and, even when he wanted to talk, he could never think of anything to say, so his answers usually remained one or two words in length because he simply didn't know what to say. He was the complete opposite of Yahaba who seemed to chat non stop about anything and everything. Maybe that was a good thing. When he had very little to say, Yahaba would fill the gap without really noticing Kyoutani's lack of conversational skills. It was so fucking hard to keep a conversation going with anyone he hadn't know from the age of four. He could talk to his friends about everything and nothing for hours, but with new people it was hard to get past the inevitable 'you alright?' question and the standard answer of 'yeah I'm fine thanks'. Even if you're dying, you reply 'I'm fine': it's an unwritten rule. 

The third Saturday rolled around. 

After a lull in conversation, Kyoutani said, "I do Physics, Maths and German. At, at college, I mean" He kicked himself afterwards. No wonder Yahaba looked so quizzical; this remark was so out of the blue.

"What?"

"You said, before, what subjects you do,"

"Oh, right, yeah haha," Yahaba replied sheepishly, obviously taken off guard. Kyoutani was just trying to make conversation. Why did he have to pick the most irrelevant topic to talk about. Yahaba probably thought he was weird, or at least weirder than he thought before. Kyoutani hated being socially inept. 

"So, is like Physics about stars and shit or is that Chemistry?"

"Are you dumb?"

Conversation flowed as per usual. 

Yahaba asked Kyoutani to join him during their break and Kyoutani accepted. It was weird having someone be so friendly towards him. He found that as you get older, it gets harder to make friends. .  
College was a real struggle for Kyoutani. In fact, his whole school life had been a struggle: he just really didn't like school. He worked on Sundays and now he had community service on Saturdays. Before, he had been determined to go to university. He achieved high GCSE grades and chose to study difficult A Level subjects in order to prove his academic capability. Now he had no clear vision of the future, undecided about whether to drop out and lose all his academic achievements, to struggle on and apply for uni or to just scrape through his last year, get a job, save up and leave. He didn't think about it much.  
Yahaba was strange. If he was with a group of people, he'd probably look judgemental and intimidating. He acted completely differently, actively seeking out conversation with everyone, regardless of age, appearance or behaviour. Kyoutani had learnt that Yahaba had a pet cat called Beatrix and lived at home with his parents. He played volleyball for his college team and he is going on holiday to Florida later this year. He spent almost every weekend at a party, either drunk, high or both. If they attended the same college, Kyoutani doubted they would have been friends. Whereas Yahaba was a social butterfly, Kyoutani was quite content being alone. Bus journeys, shopping trips and walks into town with only his phone and headphones to keep him company suited him fine. He really didn't feel the need to be around people all of the time. He didn't understand why the word 'loner' had such negative connotations - why was enjoying your own company such an undesirable trait? He didn't spend every waking hour alone; he still had friends that he met with and messaged daily, and of course he kept in contact with his family members regularly. He just valued his time alone too, perhaps more than others. There's a line between being alone and feeling alone. Kyoutani wasn't sure if he'd crossed it. 

"Look at that dog! What is it, like a French bulldog?" Yahaba asked rhetorically. 

"It's actually a Boston terrier. My friend has one." 

"You have a friend?!"  
Sarcasm. 

Kyoutani rolled his eyes and carried on eating. 

//

New message request. 

Message from: Yahaba  
_surprise bitch  
bet u thought you'd seen the last of me_

_why didn't you just ask for my number if you want to message me_

_spur of the moment thing  
anyway what do u reckon would hapen if i was ill and couldn't make it to CS_

_they wouldn't care_

_they cant force me_

_you'd have to do an extra session for each one you miss_

_darn_  
ur probb right  
alright see u next week ! 

//

Week seven. They had now spent 42 hours in each other's company which was, relatively speaking, a long time. Plus Yahaba messaged him every now and again, so that was probably another hour or two of 'conversation'. Befriending (was this the right word to use? did they count as friends?) Yahaba had made Kyoutani think about friendship and his relationships a lot. Making friends in school was so easy - when he was four he had punched a kid in the face simply because he was annoying him, and now they were really good friends. In year 9 he was forced to swap seats in Biology which, at first, he had dreaded, but resulted in him meeting one of closest friends. He didn't remember exactly when he had become mates with his other friends, but it was definitely when he was still at school, and most of them he had known since the very first day. That was about 13 years ago. It was impressive that he had remained friends with people for 13 years, but also saddening that he hadn't exactly made any new friends since he was about 10, bar biology kid. He had really tried to make new friends at college, acting as outgoing and friendly as possible, but it got him nowhere. Naturally people in his classes would not outright ignore him, but they didn't initiate conversation either. He attempted to chat about all sorts; school, work, TV, music, pets, anything, but no one seemed to put in any effort back. After 9 months, he gave up trying. Being friendly got him nowhere and he saw no point in continually making an effort for people who seemingly couldn't care less if he lived or died, so now he was rude to people. He received almost the same response. He thought he was a sociable person but obviously not. It made him hate himself. Not only was he unable to befriend people, it was also his fault. He wondered why his friends bothered with him at all. He was clearly an unsociable person, difficult to talk to and with no redeeming interpersonal skills. He had thought about this months ago and, although he had pushed it to the back of his mind since, Yahaba had made him reconsider it.

//

It happened on week 10. It was really stupid but it was also really funny. Yahaba had dropped his food which made Kyoutani laugh and, for some reason, Yahaba found this hilarious, which made Kyoutani laugh more, which made Yahaba laugh so hard he was crying, which resulted in the supervisor shouting at them, which of course made them laugh even more. They were almost 18 yet they were giggling like schoolgirls, and somehow this changed the dynamics in their relationship. Conversation no longer felt so one-sided, they could chat feeling more relaxed and, of course, they joked around a lot more. That was two weeks ago now. Kyoutani had never used Snapchat before but during one break time Yahaba showed him all the filters and, being of a childish disposition, Kyoutani dissolved into laughter. When he had got home, Kyoutani showed his younger brother and they alternated between face-swapping and zooming in on their dog's face, laughing all the while. It seemed silly; he was supposed to be an adult yet here he was, doubled over at the sight of his brother looking like an alien. For the first time in over a year, Kyoutani felt happy. Truly happy. Although he hadn't experienced a low point for quite some time, he had hardly been ecstatic. His happiness level had plateaued at a safe contentedness, and while this was comfortable, it was uplifting to feel quite so happy. However, what goes up must come down. 

Doubt crept in. Yes, Yahaba was exceptionally talkative and had engaged Kyoutani in conversation undeterred by the latter's cold and frankly rude demeanour. Yes, he had been kind enough to ask Kyoutani to spend break time with him despite being friends with the other girl of the same age in the group. Yes, he had gone out of his way to search Kyoutani up on Facebook in order to message him and therefore essentially spend time with him outside of CS. But Yahaba was like this with everyone. He was naturally a kind, gregarious person. Unbeknownst to him, Yahaba had done a lot for Kyoutani. Kyoutani felt more content and started thinking more positively, and he genuinely enjoyed Yahaba's company. He felt guilty that he had tried to push Yahaba away at the start yet relieved that Yahaba had been determined enough to ignore his protests and force them to be friends. Then again, that was nothing special. Kyoutani could have been anyone: Yahaba would have still befriended them. It made Kyoutani wonder how Yahaba felt about him. To him, it seemed that Yahaba, as kind as he was, only spent time with Kyoutani because he was trapped with a group of middle-aged criminals and would prefer to talk to someone his own age rather than work in silence or with the older people. After all, Yahaba had said at the start that he wasn't interested in making friends, he just wanted to make the day go by quicker. Maybe that's all this was. That took its toll on Kyoutani. It's hard to admit that you're lonely.

Truthfully, this sudden bought of dejectedness was an accumulation of a whole host of other factors. He had been convicted of theft and criminal damage and had consequently: 1) acquired a criminal record, potentially affecting future job prospects, 2) had his driver's license suspended, and 3) been ordered to complete 120 hours of community service, resulting in a distinct lack of time to see friends. He was also becoming increasingly aware that many, if not all, of his friends were going to be moving away for university next year, whereas he wasn't even sure what he wanted to do with his life. Everyone around him had a goal but he was totally undecided, causing much anxiety. Then to top it all off, Yahaba had forced him to think about his actions and emotions, causing yet more stress, anxiety and general uneasiness. Fucking Yahaba. Why'd he have to be so nice? If he'd just left Kyou alone like everyone else, Kyoutani could have happily ignored his inner turmoil like he had done for years. Kyoutani wanted to confront Yahaba and say, 'hey man, are we actually friends or are you just speaking to me cos you can't handle being silent for six hours?'. Realistically that wasn't going to happen because that was an awkward topic, and Kyoutani was awkward, and, with a further 8 weeks/48 hours of CS, what the hell could he do if Yahaba said that they weren't friends? 

//

From Yahaba: _whats up fucker wanna go to a party this weekend_

_who's?_

_toby's  
i know u dont know hi,m just bring dirnk_

_the last time i drank i stole an almost new porsche_

_the last time i drank i got busted selling weed to a bunch of 13 year olds lol_

_you haven't drank for 12 weeks?_

_ok... the last time i got FFuckin pissed off my tits_

_right_

 

If Yahaba didn't enjoy Kyoutani's company then surely he wouldn't invite him to a party, right? 

//

 

"Stop throwing Maltesers at my head"

"Open your mouth... Fuckin' GOAL!" Yahaba had thrown a Malteser into Kyoutani's mouth and was now congratulating himself. This continued for the rest of break. Throwing food into the air as high as he could and catching it with his mouth seemed to be Yahaba's favourite sport - that was until he was so focused on the game that he walked backwards straight into the CS leader, much to Kyoutani's amusement. 

Tonight was the night of the party and Kyoutani was actually surprisingly nervous. Every party he'd been to before had been with hosted by someone from his old school so he would always know several of the people there. This time he wasn't sure if he knew anyone going. He was going to have to follow Yahaba around like a lost puppy because although drink made it easier to talk to people, Kyoutani still struggled with what to say. With people you sort of know, maybe talked to once about a year ago, it was easy - you can just say 'hey didn't we go to school together?' to initiate conversation and then wonder who the hell your new best mate is after you've finally sobered up. The people at this party would, on the balance of all probabilities, be complete strangers. Oh well, free booze and a free night out. Why the hell not. 

Turns out Kyoutani _did_ know a couple of people there. People he hadn't seen since first school began chatting to him and even shared their vodka with him, he didn't steal a car and he didn't get a hangover, so all in all, a good night. He discovered Yahaba is a good laugh when he's drunk (he's a good laugh when he's sober, but everything's funnier when you're drunk) and he's willing to do pretty much anything for a free drink. At one point he stole some random girl's heels and wore them for a while, he threw his what he assumed to be empty can of beer on his friend's head, and he had to be physically restrained from jumping in the pond. There was probably more but it's hard to remember what happened when your body is no longer 70% water and more 70% white spirit. It was an eventful evening to say the least, and Kyoutani only regretted it when his alarm went off at 8am (he got in at 2 after protesting to Yahaba 'but I have work!' for at least two hours). What a night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next chapter .., sleepover??


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> // is a time skip of more than a day  
> * is a time skip of less than a day

"Kyoutani... My parents are going away this weekend.."

Where is this going...?

"So can I stay round yours?"

Plot twist.

"Um, sorry, I'm not following. What the hell does your parents going away have to do with staying round mine?"

"Right 'cause last time my parents left me home alone for a night I kinda threw a party and trashed the house... And set fire to a frying pan and then I threw it out a window and it burnt a hole in my garden and-"

"Stop. So your parents don't trust you?"

"Me and my parents don't really get on, and after last time they are **not** gonna let me stay home alone again"

"Uh, yeah, it should be fine... Will your cat be alright? And how on earth did you set fire to a frying pan?"

"I was trying to make pancakes, ok. I don't know how it happened. And yeah, she'll be fine, we'll just leave loads of food for her"

How did Yahaba even have friends. He really needed to work on communication; most of the time he made no sense. Still, Kyoutani couldn't talk. He was very conscious that he didn't let other people know how he felt about them. If his friends didn't message him first, they wouldn't talk. Not because he didn't want to talk to them or didn't know how to talk to them, but because he was too stuck thinking about himself in the most non-egotistical way. He found it so hard to tell people that they were funny or kind or that he was simply happy they were in his life, and he thought about how to be more open with people without actually ever doing it. His friends would complement him without a second thought but he never returned the favour. He was going to work on that.  


//

So, Yahaba was going to be at his house soon. Kyoutani had attempted to tidy his room, at least enough to see the floor, and made sure the rest of the house was in some state of tidiness. Kyoutani was a mess, both literally and figuratively. His parents both worked long hours so Kyoutani often made dinner, bought his own food and looked after the house, but he was far from the perfect housewife. He was lazy and didn't care if everything was a mess. He left most things to other people, like stacking up plates and praying someone else would do the washing up. He hoarded hundreds of water bottles in his room, he threw his clothes on the back of a chair and random pieces of paper and homework onto the floor, he had a box of sweets and chocolate on the floor which mostly consisted of empty wrappers as he was too damn lazy to throw them away; basically, he was disorganised and disinterested. He was hopeful whenever he saw that box, always expecting to find something sweet, only to have his dreams crushed when he was met with packaging and no actual food. He had another box which was filled with DVDs and games that had been thrown in there with no order or system. He had been given these boxes so that he could stop leaving things on the floor and organise and tidy away all his stuff. That worked for about a week until his room returned to its usual bomb site-looking mess.

A little before 6, Kyoutani received a text from Yahaba.

_To Kyoutani: i come bearing gifts!_

_it better not be mcdonalds_

_rude  
take it you dont want any then_

_what did u get_

_your fav_

_take it back_

_i bought 20 nuggets just for you..._

_why didnt u get kfc_

_DONT EAT IT THEN BITCH_

_nono i'll have it_

_i hate you_

_love u too_

When Yahaba arrived, he threw his stuff onto the floor and himself onto Kyoutani's bed. He wouldn't hand over any food until Kyoutani apologised because he was petty and enjoyed annoying Kyoutani. 

"You actually live like this?"

"Excuse me?" Kyoutani asked, offended, as he ate his 17th chicken nugget.

"Your room is a mess Kyoutani. How do you find anything?"

"You think this is a mess? You should have seen it yesterday... Seriously, this is the first time I've seen the floor in months."

Kyoutani subsequently found out that Yahaba was quite the opposite when it came to tidiness. For example, "What the fuck do you mean you keep your discs arranged alphabetically? Like, who has the time?" They argued whilst playing on the PS4 for a while before Yahaba sat up and asked, "What's that sound?"

"Uhh.. My dad? He just got in from work and-"

"No like the... do you have a dog?"

"I told you, I have two"

"Can I meet them?"

"Sure, they go with my dad to work because he owns his own business and it's better than leaving them at home all day..." And Yahaba was already out the door.

Dogs were the best. They brought out good in people - even the most apathetic people could become a gushing mess when presented with a dog. Yahaba was no exception and was currently fussing and cooing the boxer dog as she jumped up and hit him with her wagging tail. Yahaba was such an idiot. 

"Why didn't you help me?! She's so heavy and she was attacking me!" Yahaba said in mock seriousness. 

Kyoutani rolled his eyes, threw a bag of Skittles at Yahaba and replied, "Have you finished harassing my dog?"

"A beautiful pupper"

*

"Can you move your stuff so I can get the guest mattress?"

"Why are you getting another mattress?"

"Cos _you're_ gonna need somewhere to sleep"

"But you have a double bed"

Kyoutani rolled his eyes. "Yeah, a double bed for _me_ "

"C'mon Kyou, don't be a bitch"

"Are you this close with all your friends?"

"You're not?" Yahaba had now put his phone down and was looking straight at Kyoutani.  
Why did Yahaba have to invade his personal space like this? Whenever Kyoutani had sleepovers, everyone always slept in different beds. He kind of assumed that's what everyone did - his friends did it, he did it, no one had ever brought it up or asked why. 

They stared at each other for a while because Kyoutani truly had no idea what to say. He gave in.

"Ok, ok, you can sleep on the bed but I'm having the side nearest the wall"

"Thanks babe," Yahaba winked and went back on his phone. "LOOK! This is my friend's house in Florida, I'm going there soon"

Kyoutani had thought Yahaba was fucking weird for a long time, since they'd met, in fact, but now he was sure of it. Yahaba just didn't seem bothered by anything - maybe he couldn't read people, because he'd ignored Kyoutani's fairly obvious signals of disinterest when they'd first met and now he was ignoring Kyoutani's (albeit unnecessary) surprise at the prospect of sharing a bed. Or maybe he genuinely didn't give a shit what other people thought and feigned innocence. 

*

"Yahaba if you move once more I swear to god I will kill you"

"Sure" 

"It's two am. Please"

"Shut the fuck up and sleep then"

"I'm trying... Move over"

"God you are so needy"

" _I'm_ needy?! _You're_ the one who insisted on sleeping in this bed- OW you little shit"

Yahaba had kicked him in the shin so Kyoutani elbowed him in the ribs, pushed him half out the bed and then stole all of the duvet. Kyoutani just knew there was a reason he hated sharing beds with people and this was it: they took up too much space and were annoying and noisy and Kyoutani really, really just wanted to sleep. Tomorrow night Yahaba was having the guest mattress. The best part of the day was nighttime and Kyoutani was NOT about to have his sleep disturbed for two nights in a row. 

*

In the morning the bickering continued, with faces and petty remarks being made at each other. This was the last day of community service. Kyoutani hadn't really thought about it, but this meant that Kyoutani and Yahaba would no longer be spending their Saturdays together. Not by force, anyway. 

*

Unfortunately Kyoutani's master plan of keeping the bed to himself was thwarted and Yahaba unsurprisingly got his way. Yahaba was even more annoying this time and Kyoutani swears it was on purpose. At one point Kyoutani threatened to force Yahaba to sleep in the dog bed but couldn't keep up his angry demeanour for long when Yahaba began laughing. 

"I'm not joking! I will lock you in the dog cage!" Kyoutani said, forcing back laughter at Yahaba's stupid face peering at him half under the duvet.

//

The next day was Sunday which meant Kyoutani had work. He kicked Yahaba out of his house at 9:30 when he left for work and about three hours later, he reappeared. Yahaba and his friends decided to pay a visit to the cafe Kyoutani worked in, surprising Kyoutani and amusing Yahaba. He took his break and went and sat with them, sneakily bringing some cake along with him, to which numerous pats on the back and calls of 'LEGEND' were received. They talked about sport ('got the day off next week, volleyball match' 'shut up Yahaba just cos you get a day off college to piss about hitting a fucking ball over a net'), cars ('hey Kyoutani, you can drive, take us to maccas!' 'I have a suspended license') and just general stuff. It was good - Kyoutani actually got on alright with all of Yahaba's friends and they could all have a good laugh. A couple hours later Kyoutani finished work, checked his phone and saw a message from Yahaba.  
_From Yahaba: delete your snapchat story right now_

_it's funny_

_zooming in on my face whilst i'm eating cake with the caption 'who's this fat bitch' is not funny_

CS had finished but they didn't really see each other any less. During school holidays they would meet up, go round each other's houses, invite each other to parties, ex cetera. It really surprised Kyoutani and he thought about how things could have played out differently. If he and Yahaba had never committed a fairly minor crime at roughly the same point in time, they would have never met. If Yahaba had been put off by Kyoutani's cold demeanour, they would have never become friends. Kyoutani was thankful that Yahaba was so persistent. Why had he been such a dick towards him? It was a shitty thing for him to have done and he sincerely regretted it. Despite his feelings of guilt, Kyoutani definitely felt happy. Of course this wasn't all Yahaba's impact; you were the one in control of your happiness and external factors could only aid or hinder your emotions. Whilst Kyoutani would admit that he was a pessimist, he found that these days he viewed things less pessimistically. Not everything was as shitty as he previously thought and that's really the best he could hope for. He thought about how happy he was and about how this was a high point, and as we all know, when you're at the top there's only one way to go: down. 

//

Some weeks later, one of Kyoutani's friends was having a party conveniently during school holidays. Kyoutani had mentioned it in passing and had suffered from incessant pleading from Yahaba, asking him to be his plus-one. Kyoutani conceded so Yahaba, living on the other side of town and being too idle to walk from his house to the location, had decided to join Kyoutani back to his house. In the weeks prior to this, Kyoutani and Yahaba had actually seen a lot of each other, regularly going to town and/or meeting up with friends and each other after college. On occasion Kyoutani would receive a surprise text along the lines of 'oi fattie im stood outside your house open your door rn if you want kfc' and ditch his homework to go get KFC with Yahaba. 

 

*

Kyoutani wasn't sure if he was jealous of Yahaba making new friends or of Yahaba being able to make new friends so easily. Talking just came so naturally to Yahaba and it seemed that Kyoutani's friends and Yahaba were already best buds. It had only been an hour and Kyoutani was nowhere near drunk enough yet. Where was the beer? Kyoutani had remembered to eat before going out this time so he was going to need to drink considerably more in order to get wasted, which was, naturally, his goal. It was comfortable to be on the right side of tipsy; everything was funny and everyone was your friend.

Yahaba sang. A lot. He wasn't necessarily a bad singer, but he wasn't going to be able to make a career out of it either. He knew every song and sang every song unashamedly. Kyoutani didn't sing. Not when he was this sober, anyway.  
After another hour or so, Kyoutani was catching up with his old school friends and Yahaba was smoking with some people Kyoutani didn't recognise when one of Kyoutani's friends remarked, "Oh my god do you remember this song?"

Arms round each other's shoulders, everyone, including Kyou, started singing at full volume. 

"COMING OUT OF MY CAGE AND I'VE BEEN DOING JUST FINE,  
GOTTA GOTTA BE DOWN BECAUSE I WANT IT ALL.  
IT STARTED OUT WITH A KISS, HOW DID IT END UP LIKE THIS?  
IT WAS ONLY A KISS, IT WAS ONLY A KISS"

Kyoutani was well and truly gone. Almost everyone was a little bit tipsy now so everyone was singing, no doubt much to the neighbour's annoyance. Drinks held in one hand, fingers pointed at each other with their other hand, Yahaba and Kyoutani sang many a song to one another. 

"MAYBE WE'RE PERFECT STRANGERS  
MAYBE IT'S NOT FOREVER  
MAYBE INTELLECT WILL CHANGE US  
MAYBE WE'LL STAY TOGETHER  
MAYBE WE'LL WALK AWAY  
MAYBE WE'LL REALISE  
WE'RE ONLY HUMAN  
MAYBE WE DON'T NEED NO REASON" 

This was followed by lots of laughter, Yahaba falling onto the floor, Kyoutani offering to help him up but instead pouring his drink on him, more laughter, and eventually resulted in Kyoutani ditching his can and joining Yahaba on the ground, both trying to recover their breath after laughing so much. The stars were pretty, and the ground was cold, and Kyoutani was in a perfect state of dizzy drunkenness. A moment of realism hit Kyoutani: he was moderately pissed, lying in someone else's garden for all to see, still chuckling about something long forgotten, and ordinarily he would be embarrassed, but he thought, fuck it. He was happy. He suddenly thought about much he sucked at telling people how thankful he was for them as he lay on the ground and felt very grateful towards Yahaba. Kyoutani wasn't good with words but he _was_ drunk.

"I love you man"

Yahaba turned his head to look at Kyoutani.  
"Love you too"

"ALRIGHT LADS?" came a third voice, before someone jumped on both of them causing Kyoutani to very nearly see everything he'd drank this evening again. Everyone resumed drinking for another hour before heading home, Yahaba with Kyoutani because there was no way he was going to make it back to his own house without falling asleep in the middle of the road. 

*

A new discovery - Yahaba was naturally a morning person. That wouldn't have bothered Kyoutani if they weren't sharing a room the morning after consuming a large quantity of alcohol. The other times he'd stayed they'd needed an alarm. Today there was no alarm yet here he was, awake in what felt like the middle of the goddamn night. They had got in at about 2 or 3, and it was currently 9:15am which was way too fucking early by Kyoutani's books. Yahaba had been crashing around Kyoutani's bedroom, presumably to find the bathroom or a phone charger or something, and had woken Kyoutani up, much to his dismay. Kyoutani peeked out from under his duvet to see Yahaba on his phone. 

"You look like shit, Yahaba"

"Thanks. How's your head?" Yahaba smirked. 

"Nah actually I'm fine, don't get hangovers"

"You don't look it"

Kyoutani grunted and rolled over. He wanted to sleep.

"Do you have some cereal or something? I'm hungry"

"Kitchen"

Yahaba left to find food and Kyoutani lulled, almost drifting back to sleep until... His phone pinged, causing Kyoutani to groan and begrudgingly check, only to find a snapchat from Yahaba taken in his kitchen. He ignored it, put his phone on silent and closed his eyes. Yahaba returned with a bowl of cereal and proceeded to turn the TV on. 

"Yahaba what the fuck"

"Do you want some cereal?"

"I want to sleep. There's a TV downstairs why don't you go eat down there where I can't hear you"

Yahaba slowed his chewing down, turned towards Kyoutani and looked like he was about to say something, before resuming watching TV and eating.

"Yahaba"

Silence.

"Yahaba!"

Nothing.

"YAHABA!" Kyoutani repeated as he threw a pillow at his head. It was a heavy pillow that made a dull thud as it hit Yahaba's head, resulting in a shocked laugh from Yahaba and a cry of "fucker!". Kyoutani didn't stay mad for long but did force Yahaba to get him breakfast as punishment for waking him up at this ungodly hour.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next time ... a birthday


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> guess who's back

Kyoutani tried, he really did, but not every attempt can be a success - today was just one of those days. Nervous stuttering was quite possibly his most detested feature. Most days it wasn't a problem, but today was just one disaster after another and the more he thought of it, the worse it got. It was a viscous cycle - he stuttered because he was nervous and he was nervous because he stuttered. When it happened, he would focus on it and become hyperaware of his speech, which naturally made him more nervous, so he stuttered more, and then he panicked more, so on and so forth. Reflecting on this disastrous day, he hung up his apron, filled in his time sheet and prayed for no more human interaction. He should be so lucky. Yahaba had taken to coming into Kyoutani's work about five minutes before he finished, harassing his coworkers with his incessant chit chat and then getting dinner (KFC) in town with Kyoutani, which, truth be told, suited Kyoutani down to the ground. Kyoutani knew that he should be more sociable and go out and do 'normal' people things instead of following his usual routine of hiding out in his bedroom, staying far, far away from people. He knew it wasn't hard to bridge the gap; just talk to people, they care about you, they _want_ to spend time with you. With the arrival of Yahaba, most of this trouble had disappeared. The longest he had gone without seeing his partner in crime ( _not_ literally) was maybe two days, and even then they'd still text, so it was almost like they were never apart. 

Still, Kyoutani put on his brave face and thought of fried chicken as he approached Yahaba who seemed to engaging one of the girls Kyoutani worked with in a very interesting conversation about the rise in popularity of far-right political parties in Western Europe. She looked so bored. Poor girl. The boys looked at each other and Kyoutani made a beeline for the door, bolting as soon as was the other side of it, feeling _very_ smug when Yahaba was stuck on the other side of the road waiting for the traffic lights to change, glaring. This was one of many childish practical jokes that they played, wherein someone would begin running at a random moment until the other person/people caught up. It annoyed Yahaba which was the only reason Kyoutani did it. 

"You're not funny," Yahaba shouted as he slowly walked towards a self-satisfied Kyoutani.

They walked and talked for a bit until Yahaba asked, "Anyway, you alright? You looked pretty anxious earlier"

"Don't be nice, it's weird"

Yahaba narrowed his eyes. 

"It's, it's really nothing,"  
Kyoutani considered lying, but Yahaba was being genuinely kind so Kyoutani felt it was only fair to be genuine with him too.  
"It's just, work was shit"

"Work's always shit. What happened?"

"I-"  
He hadn't ever said this out loud before so he fell over his words as he thought about how best to phrase it.  
"I stammer, sometimes,"  
He wanted to stop right there but Yahaba kept quiet.  
"It's not that bad and like, I guess you haven't even heard it before. It's, um, I can talk fine most of the time but with new people or if they're more important than me, a boss or something, or when people ask me questions out of the blue, even something like my full name, I really struggle... to talk fluently"

"How about when we met, then? You didn't seem to stutter then, and I was new. In fact I think you told me to piss off"

Kyoutani was glad Yahaba kept the tone light. Despite the personal topic, it was nice to still joke around.  
"I did NOT tell you to piss off but I'm about to,"

They both laughed. 

Yahaba rolled his eyes and muttered a "yeah, yeah, sure, whatever".

"Nah it's just, I guess it's when I'm nervous. I don't care what kind of impression I make in front of you so I don't.." He trailed off. 

"I get it. So, you're ok with me? 'Cause we're talking about a fairly personal topic and you haven't stuttered once"

"Yeah like I said, it's fine with people I'm comfortable with. Usually, anyway. Like today someone at work out of the blue asked me when my birthday is and I was focused on something else at the time and it just caught me off guard, you know. I mean, we had been talking about other peoples' birthdays beforehand so I guess it was logical, but it surprised me so I stammered and it probably sounded like I was making it up, which is stupid because why would I lie about my own birthday"

They weren't really looking at each other now, just comfortably walking side by side, which made it a lot easier to talk. There was a short pause before Yahaba began talking. 

"You know, a lot of it is probably in your head. When people hear you, they probably don't even register whether you stutter or not. It's not a big deal. They won't think you're lying or being weird or whatever,"

Honestly, Kyoutani was grateful. He caught Yahaba's eye and smiled.  
"So, what about you? Since we're having a little heart to heart. Anything wrong with you or are you just perfect?"

Yahaba stuck his tongue out and then looked ahead, taking a deep breath in.

"Well, I guess - this is probably gonna sound really narcissistic - but the way I look."

Kyoutani stopped walking and scrunched up his face in disbelief.  
"Wait, what? The way you look?! Really? Really? Please don't say you think you're ugly."

"I don't know, man."

"Jesus Christ Yahaba, do you purposely ignore the looks you get from people? At parties, when we're out, even my fucking coworker thinks you're cute,"

"Having other people think that about me doesn't mean I feel that way,"

"I'm not saying you're being ungrateful or attention seeking, I just don't understand why you'd think that. Why do you bother comparing yourself to others? Because that's all your perception of attractiveness is. Life isn't a competition. Conventional beauty standards don't mean shit. You're not ugly, Yahaba, nobody is. Only actions can be ugly." 

"Wow, when did you get so philosophical. You could quote that shit."

"Thanks."

"But seriously, thanks."

It wasn't long until conversation resumed to its usual tone when they spotted a dog and started rowing about what breed of dog is best.

 

//

 

Kyoutani's 18th arrived. Of course he was going to have a party. For the first time in his life he _legally_ purchased alcohol, only to _illegally_ give it to Yahaba. He had better get a decent present from Yahaba, he thought to himself.

*

It was 12:15, he was dancing (if aggressively jumping up and down whilst holding your drink above your head counted as dancing), and Kyoutani felt good. It was dark save for the disco lights and some 90s Will Smith song was playing. They'd been drinking since 9 so it was safe to say that everyone was pissed. Some people were outside smoking, there was a crowd surrounding and mostly laughing at someone who had passed out on the stairs, and he and Yahaba were so close that they could kiss. Not that he was going to do that. It was just a fleeting thought, like when you travel on the underground and think 'I could push this person off the platform right onto the electrocuted tracks and there is absolutely nothing to stop me'. He didn't actually have murderous tendencies; there was no way he was going to act on these thoughts, it just crossed the mind every now and again. Just because there's nothing to stop you doesn't mean you'll do it. I mean, if he was this close to anyone he could kiss them, it just happened to be Yahaba. The more he thought about it, the more he kept denying it to himself. He was having an internal debate with himself about whether or not he wanted to kiss Yahaba. He decided that it was the lighting, or the music, or the alcohol. It certainly _wasn't_ anything to do with how cute Yahaba looked when he was giggling after being told some lucrative secret by a friend, or how he knew that he could talk to Yahaba about anything and trusted him with his life, or how Yahaba was a genuinely amiable person who only had the facade of an egotistical beauty queen. Yahaba made him laugh and made him smile. He was either with Yahaba or thinking about Yahaba, and with alarm, Kyoutani thought this sounded a bit like obsession. Yahaba this, Yahaba that... Either he was overthinking or all people thought like this. Whichever it was, he ignored thinking about his slight epiphany when he saw Yahaba look at him, realising that at this moment, he was probably looking wide-eyed and startled. Why can't he save these sudden realisations for more convenient times rather than literally in the middle of his 18th birthday party... He took another shot. 

*

It was 8am and time to suffer. There were about eight people in his far-too-small room and from what he could tell, about another 10 downstairs in the living room. Ok, that was an overstatement, but there were definitely more people in his house than there should be. Yahaba was still asleep next to him, apparently unperturbed by the chatter and noise from the TV that had woken Kyoutani. He could hear two voices from the floor beside the bed discussing the usual after-party things: who got with who, who embarrassed themselves the most, who drank the most, ex cetera. He didn't recognise their voices so he propped himself up on one arm to look over Yahaba and see whoever it was in his room. Luckily he knew them - friends of Yahaba's who had in turn become friends of his. 

"What fucking time is it?"

The other boys laughed and Kyoutani flopped back onto his bed to grab his phone from the windowsill. 

"You look like shit, Kyoutani"

"Yeah well you're not exactly a stunner, Xavier"

All in good humour.

"How many people are in my house?"

"Well, there's me, Jamil, I think Ben and his girlfriend are downstairs, and there's someone else too but I don't know them"

"I don't even know a Ben"

Jamil laughed and threw his head down into his pillow. 

"We're going to get breakfast, coming?"

"Oh sure, just help yourself to _my_ food. It's only _my_ house, after all"  
He may be still slightly intoxicated but Kyoutani wasn't going to be any less sarcastic.

"Gonna wake up sleeping beauty over there?"

"Nah I'm going back to sleep. Kick the others out and don't make a mess"

Kyoutani finished scrolling through Instagram and put his phone back in the windowsill. Now that the other two had left, it was almost silent. A few moments later, he heard a muffled "I am _never_ drinking vodka again". He rolled over to see Yahaba smirking and pulling the duvet up to his nose, eyes sleepy. It was way too early for this shit.


End file.
